Pizza Hut Has Done the Inevitable: Hot Dog Bites Pizza

Jun 11, 2015 at 2:32 pm |
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It was bound to happen. We had cheese stuffed pizza crust and bacon layered crust and pizza topped pizza, so it was only a matter of time before we had hot dog stuffed crust.

We knew this was coming because apparently this pizza has made waves in the UK for some time. Of course, Americans wouldn’t stand for that. I mean, come on, we invented Pizza Hut, and we invented shoving (or piling) disgusting foods inside other disgusting foods. (re: corn dogs, ravioli-flavored potato chips, cupcake frappuccinos, the ramen burger for pete’s sake!). If UK thought they’d stuff their face with a heart-stopping meal without Americans demanding they load their pie-holes, too, they have another thing coming!

Let’s get back to the real point: Pizza Hut has shown humanity that we could sink just a little lower.

There it is, a pizza with bite-sized hot dogs as crust (mustard dipping sauce on the side, thank you).

Honestly, it’d be less sad if anyone was surprised by this. Instead, everyone who I know that’s seen this (me included) thought, “well it’s about time!”

Pizza Hut can’t even surprise us with these wacky pizzas anymore. We’ve become pizza-desensitized. Do you remember when cheese stuffed crust came out? People died. Fell to the floor from strokes because their bodies couldn’t handle the cheese overload. Hearts just called it quits when they saw the first commercial. Now we need a wacky new pizza to be released every other week to keep us interested. I can’t imagine what would happen if, every week, some new wild food craze didn’t come out. What would people spend their time doing? Eating normal food? Cooking vegetables? That’s insane. I, and no one with a right mind, would stand for it.

So, to help save humanity, I’m offering a list of other things we can stuff, top, and cook our pizzas with:

Pizzas as the meat patty to a burger
Pizzas as the tortilla for a burrito (whoops they already tried this)
Hot Pocket stuffed crust pizza
Barbecue chips topped pizza
Sushi crust pizza
Ramen crust pizza
Deep fried pizza
Deep fried pizza boxes
Pizza box pizzas
Pizza pizza delivery men (eat your delivery man!)
Pizza topped with 17 t-bone steaks
Blended pizzas poured atop another pizza
Hamburger patty pizza dough
Beer-flavored pizza
Chicken giblet topped pizza
Cronut topped pizza
Mayonaise stuffed crust pizza
Tapioca balls topped pizza
Fried ice cream crust pizza
Pizza served on plates made of pizza
Human flavored pizza

You’re welcome, Pizza Hut

And last, if you read that list, I bet there were at least two pizza that you thought, “that doesn’t sound that bad.” Just sayin’.

Sweigh

The next step in pizza (d)evolution…